ruckster

The Royal Palace

Bangkok: Friday – Monday 14th – 17th July

We arrived at Don Muang airport at 8pm and cleared customs without any problems. We then caught a cab into town for 400b and headed for the Khoa San Road and Marco Polo Guest House. The cab dropped us at the bottom of the road, and we walked to the Guest house. We were both IMMEDIATELY impressed by the vibrancy of the place with music pumping out from various locations. It resembled the main drag of a Mediterranean ‘tourist hotspot’ but with a far more eclectic range of people.
There where ‘hippy’ types, sex tourist, back-packers, squaddies, the pretentious and the pissed. If you looked hard enough you even came across a couple of Thai people (not including the requisitions of the sex toursist or the bar staff).
We checked into Marco Polo, a bloody long walk with two pretty big bags, which was a trend that persisted throughout the holiday. The room was pretty crap but relatively cheap at 350bt a night (another persistent trend)

We went out for something to eat and opted to the road parallel to Koa San Road. As we checked out the various restaurants (chosen on the price of beer Chang) I saw someone who looked like ‘Sunita’ from Coronation Street who was sitting outside a restaurant with the cheapest beer. These two factors sealed out decision. I had a fantastic ‘Green Thai Curry’ and Lou opted for a basic ‘Fried Rice’. As the meal progressed it became obvious that it was in fact Sunita and filming was in progress. After a few rather enjoyable beers the action moved from across the road onto the table next to us, much to our delight. We were both desperately hoping get on film and tried out best to ignore the camera as true professionals would. We ended up chatting to the bloke on the ‘Clapper Board’ and then at the end of the night Sunita came and apologized if they had ruined our evening which was good of her.

We woke up slightly hungover and unable to find our room key, mainly as we had stored it in the front door lock all night long (pissed twats). We set off with the intention of ticking as many tourist attractions off the list as possible, so we firstly headed for Ratanakosin Area and The Royal Palace. We picked up a baguette on the way for brekkie and unsuccessfully tried to negotiate the ferry boat system. This meant we walked a long, convoluted route on a scorching hot, humid day. By the time we got to the palace we were both sweaty messes, this was then made worse as the Palace entry requirements which meant Lou covering up with a long skirt and long sleeved top, so as not too offend the sensibility’s of The Buddha Statue. The Royal Palace was superb (although our ‘Wat’ appreciation was beginnings to wane after a solid week of Wat spotting in Cambodia). It was also Disappointing that the Emerald Buddha was closed but the building’s were pretty sensational.

After the palace we visited Wat Pho which had a MASSIVE reclining Buddha statue and again was pretty spectacular. We then returned back by an extremely busy ferry boat and were reprimanded for standing in a ‘Monk Only’ space (Oops). We got off at Pra Athit and walked back to Khoa San Road. En route we picked up some Patt Thai (delicious), and for 20Bt, tight wad Iain was particularly delighted about this. The normally un-adventurous Lou was quite proud of herself for both trying and enjoying Thai local cuisine.
We didn’t really have a full evening meal that night, more Patt Thai and a banana Roti each and as we couldn’t find a cheaper place for beer we decided to give it a miss that night, Lou however, decided to a get her hair braided and I spent the two hours that it took bitterly thinking up ways that I would have preferred to spend the 400bt it cost.

Next day (Sunday) my agenda read Royal Barge Museum and Floating Market. After a quick consultation with the map we set off on foot (as “usual” I was not willing to pay around 30p for a Tuk Tuk) approximately two hours later knackered and dirty from motorway traffic we discovered the Royal Barge Museum was closed. Undeterred we set off again to find the floating market until my new sandals disintegrated. Some people say that a grown man weeping openly is embarrassing but I continued none the less. However, like 2 pawns in a Greek Tragedy the Gods decided in their wisdom to toy with us and the outrageous misfortune of the broken buckles was immediately followed by the appearance of a cobbler who fixed both shoes for 20bt. At this point even I decided it was necessary to get a Tuk Tuk, and it took us to a rip off boat trip place that we had disregarded the day before as it was a con. Due to sheer exhaustion and (like any half decent Greek heroes) an acceptance of fate we took the trip anyway. Lou bartered him down to 800bt and we took a rather enjoyable trip round the back canals of Bangkok. However noticeable by it’s absence was anything resembling a F****ing floating market, but as the Thai’s say ‘Mai Pen Rai’, basically ‘sh*t happens’.

Philosophically we Strolled back through the amulet market (an unexpected tick on our tourist checklist) and ate another bout of ‘Patt Thai’ and chicken satay.
Later that night we met up with John, Nid, Riasa and John’s colleague Dennis, a French bloke. We all ate on the KS Road then proceeded to get quietly drunk on Leo Beer (to make a change). The night quickly went downhill as John took us to an Isaan club/show and a bottle of whisky was purchased. After much quaffing (by Iain), dancing (by Lou) and getting chatted up by Lady Boys (all). I had suddenly reached and surpassed my alcohol tolerance limit. We clambered from the club and into a Tuk Tuk in an inglorious fashion.
We checked out off the Marco Polo the next day with an ENOURMOUS hangover and no tourist agenda. Possibly inspired by the great explorer that our guesthouse had been named after, we decided to follow in his footsteps by forging a new and previously unchartered passage in search of exciting cultural experiences.
However, we ended up firstly at McDonalds and then we got scammed by a Tuk Tuk driver who offered to take us round various Temple’s for 20bt. We took him up on his offer and saw temple’s in between visits to Jewellery and Tailor shops. The guy dropped us off on the KS Road and we spent the rest of the day sitting in a bar drinking beer (gingerly) and people-watching. We headed off for the station around 7pm for our night train to Nong Khai (Thai/Laos border). A 13 hours overnight journey on a sleeper train followed. For Iain the moniker “sleeper” train was a cruel misnomer as he didn’t catch a wink. As usual Lou slept like a (much-envied) baby.

Laos 18th – 31st July

Vientiane 18th – 20th July

From Nong Khai we decided to go straight over to Laos and Vientiane and this proved to be a bit of hassle. The tuk tuk driver we got dropped us off at a Visa guesthouse who tried to sell us one for 1800bt instead of 30 dollars at the border (about 1200 bt). So we had to get another at the border but this put us down in the queue. After that there was an exercise in bureaucracy with us queuing for bits of paper, filling them out, queueing to pay, then queuing for change, followed by waiting for the visa to be agreed, then more queues and another entrance charge. It took about an hour to get through and didn’t provide us with the best first impression. We then got a taxi to Vientiane, 22KM away which we shared with another couple. The outskirts and much of Vientiane was a messy sprawl which further failed to enamour us to the place. This was added to by the fact I opted to walk and got us lost in a ramshackled area and the tuk-tuk driver we summoned conned us with some sly exchange rate shenanigans.

We ate on the riverfront and we ordered cheap local dishes, a baguette for Lou (part of the French colonial legacy) and Lap Lao for me which translates as Lao Salad which is made mainly of spicy Papaya, chicken and assorted seasonal salad vegetables.

We then went around Vientiane with a fully loaded checklist. Wat Sisaket (which was stunning), Haw Pha Kaew (Which means the house of the Great Emerald Buddha statue) would have been far more impressive if their had been an emerald Buddha statue present. The Thais had have swiped it in 1779 and put it in the Royal palace locking it away only when they had collected entrance fees from unwitting travellers.

The building had a number of other Buddha images, some of which had been defaced by the communists troops when they ascended to power in 1975. They soon realised though that trying to stamp Buddhism out was a fight they weren’t going to win as it is so firmly entrenched into Lao way of life. Consequently the Lao government allows a much higher degree of religious tolerance compared to other Communist style regimes, like (at the time) the neighbouring Khmer Rouge. The regime were not very tolerant of drug use but id didn’t stop us being offered opium by our guesthouse or by a 14year-old boy in convenience store (when all we had come in for was an ice-cream). Needless to say we declined.

The final tick to collect was Patouxai which was a concrete version of the Arc d’triomphe, but far less spectacular. It is the only building of any height in the entire city and it was strange to look out across such a low lying Capital city. That night we went to a Tex-mex style restaurant on the riverfront which was nice enough.

On our only full day in Vientiane it drizzled throughout – the first time in a year that we had experienced English style weather. We took a tuk-tuk to the Buddha Park which was quite surreal and on the way back called in at That Louang but didn’t enter as we were pretty Watted out. At night we went to a bar overlooking the Mekong and had a couple of Beer Lao which is our favourite South East Asian beer and it comes for 1$ for a 640ml bottle – bargain.

Louang Prabang 20th – 31st July

On the 19th we got up early to catch the bus for Louang Prabang. We soon left behind sprawl off Vientiane and was transported back to pre-industrialised wooden shanty towns that occasionally appeared along the road. Kids played naked, chickens, cows, bulls and water buffalo ran free. The bus often had to stop for the latter having strayed onto the seldom frequented roads. Hand pumps and people doing laundry and other ablutions on the river banks, whilst the space under their stilted huts were occupied by Toyota pick up trucks. These were starkly contrasted by other kids with mobile phones and these shanties with a massive satellite dish secured nearby. I doubt whether their houses would have taken the weight of these dishes.

As the journey progressed the Shanty towns became fewer and less developed. The countryside took over. Lowland Lao is covered with rice fields on every available surface. Again its incredible greenness was reminiscent of England. However, the limestone Karsts that sprung up dramatically and unexpectedly from the flat landscape were breath-taking. This scenery was consistent until Kasi where, after 4 and half hours we stopped for lunch. The lunch was included in the price of the bus ticket and was local fare and tasty.

The road now climbed into the mountains and the scenery became even more beautiful. Rice was being grown, but now on ridiculously steep cliffs. Unfortunately Lou, who had slept most of the first half of the journey, was sick for the remaining 6 hours. Whether, it was the Beer Lao from last night, the local food or the twisty mountain roads which did it, it rather detracted from the ethereal experience that I was enjoying. This was further exaggerated by the fact that for the last 3 hours she had a half full sick bag on her lap as one of the co-drivers occupied the toilet to have as many cigarettes as he possibly could after an enforced Nicotine lull caused by him having suffered the inconvenience of having to drive.

We eventually arrived at Louang Prabang and were met by a host of guesthouse touts offering us the best deals before we had even collected our Rucksacks. We took a tuk tuk into the old town and quickly found a place to stay. Out first impressions of old town Louang Prabang were very positive as the dusk sunshine warmed the French Colonial shop houses on the main road. The Old city was built on a slim finger of land between the Mekong and the Nam Khan rivers and Louang Prabang is a UNESCO world heritage site. On arrival we hooked up with Green Discovery who I had made a provisional booking with on the internet. We were to do a 3day trek, 2 day Kayak trip in the surrounding mountains, leaving the next day. We decided on an early night having packed following dinner on the banks of the Mekong.

5 Day Trek / Kayak 21st – 25th July
Early breakfast on the Mekong and off we popped to the Green Discovery office. Lou was feeling much better although the thought of the trek was making us a little apprehensive. We had met people who had just undertaken a 1 day trek and they could hardly walk. Lou did not feel in peak condition. We got a shared Songthaew (pick up truck with 2 benches on the back for passengers) which drove about 40 KM to our drop off point. We were walking with 4 Canadians who were pleasant enough and we chatted with them as we walked through paddy fields and over river crossings, occasionally stopping for water breaks.

The first hour was fairly easy but then we hit the mountains and we walked uphill for about 2-3 hours which was pretty tiring. Our guide, Vantong, was labouring behind due to a dodgy knee. The first village was the poorest of the villages we were to see in our combined Thai and Lao trekking adventures. The children had extended stomachs and very poor skin. The chief was nice but communication was stilted and Vantong was not the best at smoothing out conversation. It is unnerving to have 10 – 20 kids surrounding you and watching you as if you a television. I entertained them for a bit by taking pictures of them and showing them the result on the screen, which kept them fascinated for a while.

This was a Hmong mountain tribe and they lived a very backward life. They had no access to running water which meant life was pretty hard. The government is trying to relocate them closer to the road and nearer to amenities. This is part humanitarian and part to enable the Government to control them better. The amenities were their carrot. 19 tribe members were due back from an Opium re-education camp that day but they didn’t come back.

We walked up another 30 minutes to a viewpoint where we stopped and rested in one of there shelters built to survey over their rice fields and then walked back to the Khamu part of the village. This was better equipped, it had a satellite dish and a generator for electricity. It was here where we stayed the night. It is a little disconcerting not to have any toilet facilities but as there was no running water this was the case. Lou’s baby wipes acted as our shower replacement. Again conversation was simple smiles and so I reverted to the camera trick as a way of breaking the ice. Vantong left us to cook a nice rice, meat and vegetable meal and we went to bed early as we were taking up room. At night the satellite dish owners turned the place into a multiplex cinema and people flooded in and paid 2000 kip to watch the programme. The bedding was a hard bamboo floor and a mosquito net and was not very comfortable but it did give an authentic feel.

We woke up at 5am with the dawn and the obligatory cockerels. Most of the tribes we visited went to bed early and got with the sun, although generators prolonged the night longer than they would have done a generation before. Lou and I wandered into the woods and I shared a common habit with the proverbial bears which was not comfortable at all, and cost me 4 Mosquito bites into the bargain.

After breakfast we set off to the next village, 2hours walk away, and came across leeches in vast numbers. We would walk 50metres and then remove them form our shoes as they were making their way to bare skin. This made the walk a little harder as you couldn’t get into any rhythm. However, fantastic views as we were walking up and down the mountain tops, above mountain rice fields and Bamboo thickets. The next village we arrived at seemed to be far in advance of the first. They had what could be described as gardens and as they had running water and were in a plateau they could grow better rice. They also had toilets and had created a river based shower from half cut bamboo pipes. We rested up and ate lunch for a couple of hours.

The next village turned out to be the friendliest place that we stayed in and the one where we really felt that we could communicate with the people. We learnt Lao 1 – 10 and taught them English 1 – 10 and a couple of other words. We hit off with the Chiefs children and played with them for ages. Little Poohan loved Lou’s sunglasses and so I taught him the Fonzy which he ran around the village shouting with the sunglasses on. His mate Viang was an unexploded ordance victim, a lasting US legacy. He had had his hand and eyes blown off when he was a toddler. He was now 10 or so and was helped by the village children. Poohan would describe things to him and would lead him around the village. They also spotted that Lou was nervous around animals, not the best thing when cows, goats, pigs and chickens were running around.

They chased the animals to encourage them to run at Lou which we all found amusing (Lou through gritted teeth). Unfortunately we had drunk our water supplies and so had to rely on boiled water with dodgy tea bags in to quench our first. It tasted awful and actually made you m ore thirsty but needs must. Vantong asked if we wanted chicken with our meal and I replied in the affirmative. I kept it to myself when I saw our ecently executed dinner being carried by it legs with it’s lolling head. The fact that it had probably been one of the chickens that Poohan had been chasing towards us about 20 minutes before would have ruined Lou’s appetite. During this time another villager had come over with an animal he had caught in a trap. It was a large rodent thatlooked like an extended Guinea pig. We went upstairs whilst Vantong cooked us dinner. During this time a smell like burning hair came from the kitchen below and when I later loked over the balcony I saw the charred skin being hacked off the rodent that we had recently seen trapped. We ate our dinner and gave the rest to the children who ate it as if at any moment somebody was going to take it away from them. We showered using the bamboo construction, luxury and slept on the chief’s veranda under a mosquito net and the stars. The stars were so bright due to the clear night and complete lack of light pollution. Unfortunately, I got up half asleep thinking that I could hear a tiger. Lou soon pointed out that it was a pig and rightfully called me a twat.

Ate breakfast and again gave leftovers to the welcoming children before setting off. Poohan was sad to see us go, I’m not sure if it was the sunglasses, the food handouts or the attention that he was sad to see go. Green Discovery had only just started to take groups on this route so we were very novel temporary additions to the village. We walked for 1.5 hours before we got to a waterfall. Fortunately Vantong met up with another guide and stole some water off him. Pretty waterfall and I got in and had a pleasant wash. It was an extremely hot, windless day 38C in the shade, and so a soak in the cool water was very refreshing. Lou was extremely amused by a couple of my comedy falls on he wet rocks , fortunately with no injuries to report. We spent an hour at the waterfall before we set off for another 1.5 hours to a village where we ate lunch and stole some more water from another group. Finally we walked 2 more hours to the road, where as luck would have it we got picked up by a Green Discovery van that just happened to be passing and taken to our overnight digs.

This was a roadside place and therefore was much more advanced with a roadside shop and running water and a satellite television. That night Lou woke up certain that she could hear scratching next to her head. I dismissed this and assured her it was nothing. In the morning we were both disconcerted to find a dead uber-mouse on the floor. Lou’s dinner time nemesis, the cat, had suddenly become the hero. We both had enjoyed the trekking leg of our trip but were really looking forward to the Kayaking section. We thought that our guide had not really pushed us, possibly because he was not 100% fit and also we realised he was more into the more adventurous activities.

The first days kayaking was definitely among my favourite days of the entire 6 weeks. We got our inflatable kayaks after breakfast and spent 2 hours going through rapids, although these were fairly modest ones. The scenery was the best that we saw in the 6 and half weeks with only the sunsets on Koh Tao to challenge. The weather was sunny and clear and the Mountains and Karsts were spectacular as we headed down the Nam Ou, a tributary of the Mekong, en route to the mighty river. In addition the riparian scenes being played out along the banks were superb. Children racing long-tailed boats, jumping from trees, collecting worms for fishing and attending to their traps. Men and women in conical hats fishing, transporting themselves along the river, washing themselves and their laundry. After lunch, we put our oars away and relaxed as the Kayak followed the gentle current, considerately rotating us slowly around so that we could enjoy the panoramic views. We spent another 3 hours doing this before we got to the mouth of the Nam Ou, where it meets the Mekong and paddled to our next and last overnight stay.

The places had got progressively better and this was the most comfortable of our 4 nights accommodation. It was run by the custodians of the Pak Ou Buddha Caves that were on the opposite banks of the Mekong and had a restaurant. We showered and I did a comedy soap bar style slip up and changed and sat out on the veranda of the restaurant watching the sunset over the river. Once we had finished we had a Barisian religious ceremony to wish us good luck for our journey. This involved us making a small donation and having bits of string tied around our wrists with some chanting.

Our final day of the 5 day trip meant more Kayaking. Firstly against the Mekong’s current which was pretty hard work and made steering difficult. A rude awakening from yesterday’s coasting. We stopped off at a village and saw people doing traditional crafts like weaving and Making grass roofs, then we crossed the river and let it take us down to the Pak Ou caves. Again it was quite easy coasting down and the morning fog was settling on the mountains, sometimes below the peaks which looked spectacular. We were lulled into complacency by the ease of it all. However, when we were to park up at the small jetty for the caves it was another story. The river became very fast and we were caught unawares. We tried to get into the side but caught the cave wall which sent us spinning. This meant that were didn’t have a controlled entry. I thought that if I just grabbed the Jetty then we would be fine. I grabbed my end but Lou’s end span around quickly and she hit her head on a moored boat. The boat was now caught against the boatand couldn’t be moved without being capsized. Vantong told me to climb out and capsize the boat which I did but it meant that Lou got dragged under. Fortunately some Lao blokes on the boat helped to fish Lou out. She was unnerved by the whole event. I hadn’t realized that there had been a great deal of danger. However, we had all our possessions in the upturned boat. Credit cards, all our money, our passports and documentation. They were in a badly tied wet bag attached loosely to the upturned boat with a current ripping through it. If we lost that bag we were in all sorts of trouble.

Vantong organised the boat to be uprighted and the bag was still there. We couldn’t believe our luck as it was rescued and the contents intact and actually dry as well. Result. Vantong said the lucky escape had been down to the Barisian ritual last night. If the thing had worked we wouldn’t have cap-sized in the first place.
We probably didn’t fully appreciate the caves as much as we should have as the adrenalin was still pumping hard. The cave was full of Buddha images and looked out over the Mekong and the mountains behind. After this we kayaked further down the river and were able to coast for an hour or so before we ended our journey at the Whisky village. Here we pulled the kayaks out of the water to the awaiting van. We then went down to the touristy village to see if there were any trinkets to buy. We purchased a botlle of whisky with a scorpion in for our friend Chai as he had given us a drink from his snake bottle once in KL. We got the van back to Louang Prabang for about 5, stopping off at a restaurant overlooking the Mekong for a late lunch. We tipped vantong $20 as he had been a decent guy, if not the best guide in the world and he seemed happy enough. We left the Green discovery offices and found ourselves some accommodation, a guesthouse with a view of the Mekong for $4, bargain.

We now had a few considerations with regard to timetabling our trip and particularly with when to go back to Thailand. Because they only grant a 30 day visa if we returned before 31st we would have to do a visa run which would cost both time and money so we decided that we would stay in Laos until then. This meant we had 3 full days in L.P and that we would take the arduous, but beautiful, Mekong slow boat trip. We had arranged to meet friends in Bangkok for my birthday weekend starting on the 11th and I had also provisionally booked more trekking in Chiang Mai. Pat of me wanted to stay longer in Laos. The people were so friendly, vendors were the least pushy in South East Asia and it was such a relaxed place to be. The only people who caused us any annoyance were the drug tourists. Twatty 20 year-olds who romanticized their opium usage as being beyond cool. Their wispy beards and their insistence on wearing ethnic clothing and no shoes caused us some amusement. The annoying part being that they believed that they were the only ones enjoying an authentic experience and that everybody else was a mere tourist. Tourist is a derogatory term used by travelers for people who came to look rather than immerse themselves in the experience. To me they were deluded, patronizing w*nkers.

Anyway, our first full day in Louang Prabang we set off to see the sites (I am unashamedly a checklist tourist) after sorting out our laundry for the first time since we had set off. My clothes were minging after 5 days in oppressive heat, mud and with limited washing facilities and we in danger of being overcome with the fumes from my boots alone if we didn’t resolve the issue quickly. L.P is Wat-tastic but with our neat wat exhaustion we decided to go to only the most celebrated ones. The Xiang Thong was pretty amazing with it’s architecture and décor but limited ourselves to this one alone for the Full tour. By the time we got out the weather was intermittently showery but they were light and I had a strict agenda to keep to. Next stop was the Royal palace but we decided against entering due to the exorbitant price. $2 each and you couldn’t take photos – cheeky bastards. Lou and I were trying to budget for 500,000 kip, $50, 200RM, 30quid or 2000baht a day as this is how much I am paid (minus accommodation, car repayments and bills in KL) The idea of spending 6.5 weeks traveling was that we couldn’t really afford to have a rich holiday for say 2 weeks and that we could live as cheaply here and travel as we would have in KL.
However, in retrospect we probably could and should have stretched to this but when you see a bill for 20,000kip it just seems so much. Anyway we took a sly peek at the Pha Bang, the sacred Buddha image that gave the town it’s name. (another box ticked). The rest of the day we chilled to soak up the ambience and to laugh at my penny pinching and skewed set of fiscal priorities. We could always afford a bottle of Beer Lao at 10,000kip a shout.

That evening we walked up to That Chomsi, a religious building on a hill for the sunset. Unfortunately it was a bit misty cloudy but the views from the top were fantastic. It was even more spectacular when a plane came into land and it was lower than us (and we weren’t that high up) I was thwarted in my attempts to take a picture by a braying family who stampeded towards the best viewpoint. That night we proved my point about fiscal priorities by sharing 8 beer Lao and having a jolly fine time.

This did however mean that we saw very little of the next morning and when we eventually got up we booked an afternoon trip to the Kouang Si waterfalls. I’m quite a waterfall fan and was not dispponited by Kouang Si. They were particularly impressive, as it was steep, multi layered, high and with a large volume of water. All the basic ingredients for a proper waterfall. It was also reasonably well managed as the bottom pools were for swimming and they were 2 difficult paths up either side for those stupid enough to wish to climb to the top. I was stupid enough to want to and Lou was stupid enough to consent, however reluctantly. The good thing about them being partially accessible is that you don’t get that many people up there and so they remain unspoilt. On the negative side was that you did feel as if your life was in jeopardy for 50% of the time and Lou was wearing her beach sandals. Anyway, great views, a good walk and nice, freezing swimming when we got down. Unfortunately our minibus group had opted for a Ethnic village trip on the way back as part of the package which curtailed our time at the waterfall by 30 minutes.

As I suspected the “Ethnic village trip” involved going to a roadside village and having all the locals peddle goods at stalls. One of the most obvious problems with tourism is the way it can impact on the lives of the indigenous people. This was the only place where we saw begging and tourist based peddling in Lao. The hypocrisy is of course that as a tourist yourself you are part of the cause of this so it is a bit rich to then resent it. On our trek into the remote mountains we saw none of this, but if you go in 5 years time it will be endemic. We spoke to people who had trekked in Thailand and they complained of that this was the case there.

That night we went out for a meal and Lou fancied exploring over bars. It started off as a quiet night but we soon found ourselves at a rowdy place called the Lao Lao garden (Lao-Lao refers to the locally produced rice whisky) One of the guys that was on our minibus who was bemoaning the fact that Ethnic experience invited us over with his group. A Canadian bloke called Jeremy. We had a few more with him but at 11.30 we were told that we had to drink up as it was illegal to serve or consume beer after 12.00 in Lao. It looked like our night was prematurely over as we also had ran out of money when one of the group announced that there was this great illegal drinking den ran by a Vietnamese bloke a tuk-tuk drive away. We went with then via out hotel (to pick up cash) and enjoyed a great night of revelry ending at about 3 O’clock. It was a quite a large placed and it was packed with drunken traveller’s and played goodish music. From the outside it just looked like a rundown shop. The inside was basic with no décor to speak off just benches and a fridge for beer and a few bottles on a bar. Great days.

Well maybe great nights because the morning was not the best. One of the girls in the group had bought a bottle of rice whisky and we made very good head way. Lou couldn’t drink it because she couldn’t get past the taste which meant I was far more wasted than her. We eventually got up and spent the day pottering around the markets, shops and restaurants. That evening, our last in Louang Prabang we decided to teat ourselves to a meal at Villa Santi, the plushest place in town.

I choose a set meal and Lou had steak. My meal consisted off;
Louang Prabang sausages – Lovely pork sausages with a mixture of spices
Tomato stuffed with pork
Pork balls in Mushroom soup
Deep fried fish in red curry
Mixed local seasonal vegetables
Grilled ground Chilli leaves;
Beef in Stew with lemongrass
Eggplant
Sticky Rice and steamed rice
Plus fruit and coffee for desert all for $10
We sat on the balcony whilst inside there was an ethnic dance being performed and local traditional music being played. All very refined. We blew the budget a bit that day but after 2 weeks roughing it we felt that we deserved it.

On the 29th July we got up early to catch the slow boat to Pakbeng En route to Houayxai (on the Laos / Thai Border). A beautiful day made a beautiful journey. The Mekong had cut a route in between mountain ridges for the entire first day. We experienced similar riverside scenes as we had been treated to during our Kayaking trip. The Mekong was one of the most populous parts of Laos and yet you could travel for kilometres at a time without seeing a person all a village. This was so remote. We changed boats after 2 hours to a quicker, more comfortable boat and when we alighted at Pakbeng we were joined by a few couples who followed us to a guesthouse recommended in our Rough guide. I hadn’t realized that I had been looking out of the window all day and had successfully burnt the left side of my face and my left arm to most people’s amusement. We got speaking and chatted to a Canadian couple (another Jeremy and Koya) and had dinner with them and a few Beer Lao. Very nice pair who had traveled a lot in Asia and we shared views on the places we had traveled and made recommendations about places we thought they should go to or avoid and sought info on places that we intended to go to. When you are travelling you are never stuck for conversation. We got kicked out of the restaurant at 11.30 as the generator stops at this time. Pakbeng has not got a mains connection.

The next morning I went out to sort out the tickets and get baguettes for the journey whilst Lou packed. Again English style drizzle (in fact it reminded me more of the Welsh mountains, the rain felt fresh and made the same noise on impact on my plastic disposable honcho that had somehow escaped the clutches of the fashion police. As we searching for food I was slightly put off by what I thought was chicken or beef satay but it was infact barbecued rat/squirrel (difficult to tell but definitely a rodent) Unfortunately that was not my worse experience that morning.

As the 4 of us trekked down to the boat I saw a dog lying down with it’s owner presumably washing it. On closer inspection however, the dog had red around it’s collar and it’s panting was virtually non existent. I then realised that the man was shaving it and in fact it was enduring a slow death and was probably the next to go onto a barbecue. What really effected me was the fact that they keep dogs as pets which would suggest at least a degree of affection for them. Everybody in the village appeared to own dogs. It also struck me of how sentimental we are of animals and of the cultural distinctions that we have between animals that we keep for food and others for company. In Laos and many parts of Asia the same animals are used for food, work and even as pets. In many ways animals are treated better here than in the U.K. The animals that are treated under the category of pets obviously have it best in the U.K but those allocated for food have it a lot worse. All the animals run around free here, with the exception of the odd horse (although these did not seem commonplace here). If they are used for work they are feed well but tend to be more restricted. Despite this I still seed dogs as pets and it this seen disturbed and nearly achieved the hitherto impossible task of putting me off my food. That night when we chatted about it with Jeremy and Koya he admitted that he had accidentally eaten dog in China (apparently it’s quite a rich, sweet meat, and he reckoned that on the menu would be dogs by different breeds. He also said that he had been told that they are killed slowly as the adrenalin (or whatever) produces nicer tasting meat.). Unfortunately the journey on the second day was less rewarding than on the first day. As it rained the visibility was not as good and my seat seemed to be attracting the rain. At one time when the weather had got really bad they pulled down plastic shutters and so we no longer had the views. We arrived at Houayxia at about 6 and strolled into town to find a guesthouse. We ate on the riverside and had a few bottles of Beer Lao with Jeremy and Koya and then to bed.

Thailand – July 31st - August 29th

Getting from Laos to Thailand was fairly simple. We checked out a Lao immigration got a boat over the Mekong to the Thai town of Chiang Kong and shared a joke with the Thai border official. It took about 15 minutes and he wished us on our way with a good luck. It always rings as slightly ominuous but it seems to be there pleasantry of choice rather than have a nice day or see ya.

We got a lift to the bus station and got a bus to Chiang Mai. I felt most aggrieved when Lou told me it was over 200baht each until she reminded this was about 3quid for a 6-7hour coach journey. (Whenever we need to justify any expenditure we revert back to pounds as it is the highest currency that we use). Nice journey again but Lou managed to get travel sick again which leads us to think that she finds she gets nauseous on twisty roads in coaches. It also rained most of the time and rain has the affect of making even the beautiful countryside seem a little drab. It inspires a Sunday afternoon feeling of having nothing of interest to do. However, we did consider ourselves to be remarkably fortunate as we had spent 2 weeks in Laos in the middle of the rainy season and had been rained on lightly in Vientiane and fleetingly in Louang Prabang on one occasion each and it had rained on 2 travel days so it had little effect on what we had planned to see. This was to continue as it only rained for 1 hour on our Chiang Mai Trek and it actually added to our fun. We didn’t know this at the time but parts of Chiang Mai were actually flooded when we arrived and trains were unable to leave for the first 3 days that we were there. This would have been quite problematic for us if it had remained that way for the week. Eagle house picked us up from the bus station and we spent the night there.

Chiang Mai – July 31st – August 5th
Checklist boy was out again with a Wat spot list to tackle. First port of call was the Wat Phra Singh very nice like the other countless wats that we have looked at. It did contain one of the 3 Singh Buddha statues in Thailand. Lou was delighted when we got lost and this gave us a chance to see Wat Chiang Man that contains a Buddha from the 6th century BC and the Crystal Buddha from 2nd Century BC next it was on to the Wat Chedi Luang. Apparently this place held the elusive emerald Buddha for 80 years. It really was an accident but we seemed to have designed an Emerald Buddha stalk inadvertently when planning our trip. At lunch I gave the choice to Lou of more Wats or the Zoo so it was no surprise to find ourselves an tuk-tuk to Chiang Mai zoo in double quick time. The zoo will be nice but we got there during a mass overhaul and when they decided to keep the animals hidden. We also opted to walk and it was too widely spread out. We did see some decent animals but I was too tight to pay for the separate entry fee (too tourists only ) to see the Giant Panda. I objected not so much to the cost but the fact that we were not told on entry that there was a separate fee and that half of the animals promised weren’t present. We left the zoo under a bit of a cloud as a result.

I had a superb curry for dinner. Much of Chiang Mai’s food is influenced by nearby Burma and it in turn was influenced by northern Indian. Most of the Indian in KL and South East Asia is southern Indian, whereas the English version of curry is more Northern with thick aromatic sauces with strong spicy flavours. The southern stuff is nice enough but a bit bland for me.

Chiang Mai Doi Inthanon Trek
Due to availability we went on a 3 rather than a 4 day trek but his was preferable in the end as we had trekked a lot in Laos and also because of our later plans. Our guide was called Chai and he was from the Karen tribe but spoke good English, was good humoured and was informative as well. Our tour group was a little odd to say the least. The 2 guys we got on with were Patrick and jack, 2 Irish students who were decent blokes. Then there were a German couple who bizarrely broke out into impromptu church based music and then 3 swiss teachers who were divs. Anita was the best of them and fairly normal but not very communicative, Monika was mad and tried had an impressive fall on every stage of the trek and finally Brigitte who appeared to have an unusual urge to engage in public nudity.

The first part of the trip was an Elephant trek which was quite good but the elephants just went around a well-trodden path to a waterfall but it felt very false. We had all envisaged it to be part of the trek but we drove to it and then after we drove to a cave and had a quick tour around this. The mahoot had trained the elephant to pose for photos which was good but it summed up the lack of authenticity that this phase had.
From here we drove to our drop off point and we embarked on a fairly easy trek nice views but similar scenery to Laos, bamboo thickets, Paddy fields and mountains. We then had a 2 hour trek to a Karen Village.

I decided to walk though the river in my boots which with hindsight was quite stupid as they didn’t dry all trek. The village had a cesspit and a tap so we thought we were in luxury and ate dinner very late at about 8.30 which was along time from our 11.30am lunch. During dinner a lot of local women came into the house to sell goods which I didn’t particularly like. Me and Lou bought a couple of bamboo cups but we not pleased to have to carry more stuff. After dinner we went to a villager’s house and had a chat via Chai our guide. He did this aspect well and it was interesting to hear his views and the fact that he had only very occasional contact outside the village. On his grill was a rat / squirrel that had been cooked to preserve it.

We woke early with the sun and I alone had slept well. Others had been kept awake by my snoring and by the rough conditions. Christophe the German music student had contracted a tropical illness and was going to die within hours or so he would have you believe by his pathetic demeanour. Fortunately Chai organised him a motorbike to the next village as he wanted to continue. I had to wear socks and sandals which broke every fashion law that I had ever come across due to my river crossing idiocy yesterday. We saw a leaf viper and a dead snake on the way which was pleasing. After an hour on the trek it pissed down. Fortunately we had bought proper rain ponchos just prior to the trek so we kept dry. It was quite good fun as well as being challenging as we were walking up steep inclines with rainwater pouring down making rivers of the paths. We walked for an hour in this rain before reaching the next village and shelter. Here we ate and relaxed as the weather improved.

Christophe had to walk the next phase and the Swiss girls were struggling and moaning. It was quite a difficult stretch but they were making it hard. Monique did a spectacular fence collapse and I went to help Juliana and fell off the wooden bridge much to Lou’s delight. We had 8 river crossings to do which meant wading through with shoes off as well. Jack was a leech magnet and kept on having to pick them off himself. I had to burn a couple off me but he was there favourite by far. We got to the village quite early and decided to wash in the river. Very cooling but a strong current meant you couldn’t submerge your shoulders.

At night Chai bought his guitar down and the Europeans did some Karoake but sang each song as if it was an aria from an opera rathe than an over played Beatles or Eagles number, me and Lou thought they were dorks and Jack and Patrick were doing their best to conceal their mirth. Chai tried then to tell some much extended jokes which lost a lot in translation and the fact he was fucked from taking some unidentified drug. We finally played a game involving clapping and symbols off which I was shit at and had charcoal drawn all over my face. We went off to bed at about 10.

After breakfast we got a lift to do bamboo rafting. These rafts were made by local tribesman for a one – off hour journey. I had to steer it which I did quite well surprisingly. It was very much like punting which I had at least done a couple of times before. Each raft also had a captain who, in truth, did by far the most amount of the steering. The course was pretty hard as it was over rapids for most of the way and these rafts were not the easiest to manoeuvre. This was probably my favourite section of the trek as it was a novel experience. Juliana was scared shitless and Christophe had fallen over and grazed his knee and they were fussing at the end of it. We then hiked 40minutes when we got picked up and driven to a waterfall. It was along way to see it and again was very separate to our trek. We didn’t spend tha long there as a result. Pretty impressive but the viewpoints weren’t very well thought out.
We drove back to Eagle house and we booked our tickets for the sleeper train the next day to Bangkok. Our original intention had been to visit Sukhothia and Ayutthaya but the thought of more ancient cities didn’t appeal so we were going to go on to Ko Samet, the nearest good beach resort to Bangkok. That night we went out and met up with the Irish boys for a few. Unfortunately, we both got slaughtered and Lou lost her sandals and we had to get a tuk-tuk for the short distance back.

Ko Samet – Sunday 6th August – Friday 11th August
We decided to walk and I got us lost which would have been o.k if we weren’t carrying big rucksacks and it was about noon on a baking day. When we got to the bay that we wanted we were not impressed. Possibly because had been travelling for over 20 hours and that the Hotel people were rude and the beaches were packed. I had heard that it was busy at weekends but we thought that by Sunday lunchtime the weekenders would be packing up. Anyway, we got a place for 300baht and went for a sun bathe and a swim. We had a good meal on the sea front on the axe pillows and relaxed quite nicely.

The next day we decided to explore to see if there were any better accommodation and we successfully found a place on Ao Cho which was a lot quieter. In fact the whole island was a lot quieter and much more what we were looking for. We were much happier here and stayed there until Friday morning when we checked out. This was exactly what we needed as although we had been off for nearly a month we had kept on moving about. This was the first real rest and we spent it eating healthy meals, detoxing (no alcohol) swimming, sunbathing, walking around the island and reading. I got a John Irving book out (unfortunately Lou had bought this for my birthday) and she got a chick lit one out.
Samet is pretty when you get away from the North east corner which is over developed and attracts sugar daddies with their Thai purchases (like an up market Pattaya) we ate nice meals, particularly in the second restaurant that we choose and it was fairly cheap. Lou particularly enjoyed her prawn dish here. The prawns were massive and they did it in a cocktail sauce, lou’s favourite. We really limited ourselves financially during the Samet trip to give ourselves more money for diving on Ko Tao.

Bangkok
Friday 11th August – Tuesday 15th August
Friday night we started off at Cheapie Charlie’s – which wasn’t particularly cheap – and had a couple of bottles of Heineken whilst waiting for the guys and when they arrived we continued on there for a bit. It got to 9 O’clock and so we decided to get an Indian across the road. We ordered far too much and we were all a bit bloated as a result. I was not very impressed with mine at all. We went next door to a bar called the pickled liver as Steve had known the bloke form his days in Sri Lanka and they had a chance meeting whilst we at Cheapie Charlie’s. We continued to drink then but I got progressively worse and had to go to spirits.

We also met a drunk London geezer who tried to sell us fake watches and we couldn’t get rid of him. When he made an unfortunate racist comment about the July 7th bombs we basically argued with him without any pretence of camaraderie and told him to piss off. We played a bit of pool and called it a day at about 3 O’clock.

My birthday was ushered in by me vomiting in the toilet. I wasn’t hungover but had had a bad reaction from the Curry. It was also giving me the shits. Lu got me some good prezzies a couple of CD’s a Melbourne city guide and the John Irving book. We felt bad about ruining steve and Emma’s weekend so when they said we would meet at the Dubliner for 12.30 we thought it would just be for dinner and then maybe do something in the day. However, they had a Leo Sayer in mind which was about last thing I wanted. I managed to get a couple of pints down but it was great fun. We then moved onto the Robin Hood where we continued. It appeared that our weekend aims were a touch divergent. We wanted a good celebration but to see out of the way local hangouts and cheap prices. They seemed to want to get pissed in the most expensive expat pubs. As they had mafde the effort to come and we had asked them to show us some of the Bangkok nightlife we acquiesced but it was made worse by the fact I was not feeling well and we were trying to keep to a budget.

We popped back home at around 7 and I tried to get some sleep but felt awful when I got up. We went back out and had difficulty finding a place to drink as it was the queen’s birthday, We had gone to Sihom and a lot of places were not serving alcohol. We needed up in O’reilly’s and I could stomach no more than a coke for a couple of rounds. After a couple of hours of silliness we left after a dispute with the waitress about a tip. We finally went to a place that me and Lou would have chosen, a seedy little bar in a backstreet called Wong’s place. It played 60’s, 70’s and 80’s music and it was self service. The barman just counted how many bottles at the end of the night. I had just started to get back on a few spirits before the barman gave me a tequila slammer which makes me feel sick iat the best of times. Fortunately t stayed down as did the few bottles of Heineken. The night faded out at about 4am with emma Falling asleep. I was glad to get back and to sleep.

On the Sunday we checked out and went to Khao San Road via the station to get our train ticket for the next day. I felt much better and even got up for our inclusive breakfast. There they shopped for abit and we sta at a bar on the Khao san Road. Again me and Lou opted for coke because it was the wisest decision. They left at about 3 and we sighed with relief and went back to our hotel for a rest. We appreciated their effort but due to circumstances and our budget it was about the last thing we needed. We mooched about after this and then early to bed

Ko Tao
Wednesday 16th August – Sunday 27th August
It was an early start, a 6 o’clock transfer to the pier for a 7 0’clock ferry. On the ferry we signed up with Master divers for 10 dives and reduced accommodation for 10 nights. On arrival we were meet by a songthaew and taken to our accommodation. We decided to skip the first 2 days of diving to save it for the end of the week as a treat. This didn’t work out as I got an ear infection but we still managed to get everything really cheap, mainly due to their poor book keeping. We only did 4 dives each which should have been 900baht but we got them for 700each. That saved us 1600baht combined. We then stayed at a 500baht place for 300baht for 11 nights. The reason they had given us that deal was on the condition that we made 10 dives each. So we saved 2200. we were expecting to pay 14000 for the dives and 3500 for the accommodation but ended up paying only 8900 combined which meant we had over 6000baht to spend on our last days in Bangkok. Lou was in heaven.

Anyway we loved Koh Tao, a beautiful place (although they need to stop developing it now if they want to preserve this) great diving and snorkelling and a range of other activities. We liked it so much we stayed an extra day.

The diving was good but the visibility was not great. The first dive was the Chumphon pinnacle which had a bit of current but not too much. What it did have in abundance was black tip sharks and they were swimming all over the place. Because of the poor viz (visibility.. but we call it viz as we are trendy diver’s) they got quite close and came from nowhere to add to the excitement. I also saw a rare Eagle stingray which was an unexpected surprise and there were barricudas about as well. I knocked my breat5hing apparatus out of my mouth whislt trying to show Lou where a shark was and breathed in lots of sea water. I had a real panic on until I remember the purge button which sorted me out. That was horrible as we were far too deep for me to surface safely.

The second dive was off nang Yuan, the twins, and was a nice gentle dive with much less current and hence much better “viz”. We saw massive moray eels, a friendly wrasse which came to play and nice coral gardens. Unfortunately it got too overcrowded as there were 5 boats by the time we had left. A cleaner fish decided to clean up a cut on my leg which actually stung (it was biting off loose scabby bits)

The third dive we went out to South west pinnacle with good visibility and nice coral. We saw big groupers, rock and potato cod, baricuda, yellow fusiliers amd a massive moray eel.

Finally on our fourth dive we went to the misleadingly named shark Island. Again good hard and soft coral and a lot of life against a sea wall. However, our dive leader rushed things a bit. I like to have a good look. Good fun and I was disappointed that we were not able to dive any further because of a middle ear infection. We thought that it may clear up after I put drops in and then took antibiotics but it never did. If your ears are blocked you can’t adjust your pressure and it really hurts your ear. You can bugger up the ea drum so I couldn’t just put up with it.

Other things we did on Ko Tao involved hiring out a moped. Lou was reluctant about this, unsurprisingly as I was going to be driving this and wherever you went you could see patched up people who had crashed bikes. I drove safely and it meant we got to see other parts of the island. The first day we went to the North of the island to get good views over Nang Yuan. We found a terrace and came back there for a nice dinner overlooking the setting sun which was spectacular.

On the second day we went to Ao Hinwong on the East side. This was a beautiful bay and had the best snorkelling that we found on the Island with still water and a lot of fish. I had my best Thai meal there as well, a beautiful stir fried chicken in oyster sauce. We had to leave the bike at the top of a very steep incline as neither of us trusted my driving skills enough to get either up or down this. The rest of the day we spent trying to get down various roads but having to turn back as the low clearance of the moped, the low confidence of the passenger and the ridiculously steep and rutted dirt roads made it a fool’s errand. A few times Lou had to get off and laugh as I had to rev up and use my feet to extricate the bike from a large rut. That night we watched the sunset from Sai Ree beach and again it was pretty superb, made even better by a happy hour at the bar. We then went onto the Lounge where we met a nice guy, Phil, the owner and a group of young Irish people who were really friendly and we had a good chat with them.

We left it a couple of days and then hired the bike out for a third day, at 200baht a day you couldn’t really complain. It was actually our last day and we used it to sort out money with the dive school. We also did a bit more travelling about and the next day we shopped for the trip ahead whilst we still had transport.

Our bay was called Ao Chaloke ban Kao and was this circular bay with white sand. It was very shallow, with sandbanks meaning you had to go out along way to snorkel and as it was the west coast the visibility was not as good. It was good for chilling and reading on. As we often did but the sea came in along way in the afternoon which only gave a thin strip of land to sunbathe on. The other bays we frequented were Sai Ree beach, the biggest but most developed bay and Ao Thian but they shared the same problem of the encroaching afternoon sea and West coast poor viz for snorkelling.

On another day we hired out Kayaks and went to visit the Small bays around us and did a bit of snorkelling off this. It was quite hard work as it was a little choppy at times. We felt that we had earned our bottles of Chang that night.

The nightlife was quite good and was as busy or as hectic as you wanted it to be. We didn’t drink most nights but we went out a couple of times and had a few good nights. One bar we went to sold beer and grass over the counter which shocked and appalled Lou and myself. It a good bar though and we spent a couple of giggly nights there.

Bangkok Monday 28th – Tuesday 29th August

We got a ferry and bus connection form Ko Tao as it was easier and cheaper than the train. Lou was fine as it is quite a flat stretch of road. We ate baguettes on the way and arrived at Khao San Road about 2am in the morning, checked in and went to bed.
On our last full day of our holiday Lou woke up strangely excited by the surplus money that I promised we could spend on clothes that day. We bought loads of clothes for me, Lou has been determined to get me to dress better and so I got a couple of pairs of shorts and 6 tops to wear, plus a hat and a pair of shoes. Lou found it much harder buying for herself though and only came away with a skirt, a pair of shoes, a cap. The next day she fared better and got a purse and a Mr T t-shirt and a couple of beach dresses that she had her eye on.

All in all it was a great holiday. We dived, kayaked, trekked, snorkelled, rode on elephants and bamboo rafts. We saw stunning scenery and historic architecture. We also relaxed, read and sunbathed. I think for me the highlights were watching sunsets with a bottle of Chang and seeing the mountain scenery on the Mekong and in northern Thailand. I enjoyed the activities and I found meeting the hilltribes a humbling and emotional experience.

Lou and I also got on so well for the entire holiday. I loved the way she set about virtually all the different aspects with enthusiasm. (Wats excepted but even the arch church spotter himself was tiring of these towards the end)

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